


Kiss and Resolve

by unicornfruit (FYWC)



Category: The Maccabees
Genre: F/M, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-08
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2018-01-08 09:12:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FYWC/pseuds/unicornfruit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Orlando likes Felix. Felix likes Orlando. But is it that simple?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

'Maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a second, he won't notice', thought Orlando as he sat slumped in the chair, eyes closed.

Himself and Felix had been discussing new songs and ideas for the past few hours and, although they were both initially stimulated by a joint that Will had passed around earlier, he was beginning to get tired now. They had been drinking for a long time and the other band members had each drifted off to other rooms to sleep, while him and Felix continued their discussion, with the addition of more red wine. On some days after rehearsing, and drinking, it wasn’t uncommon for them all to stay over at the studio. Felix sat on the floor, chatting away seemingly oblivious to Orlando even being in the room any more. He found Felix often got this way when he’d smoked a joint. His eyes lit up and he got so involved and excited about things. He opened his eyes briefly to gaze on Felix’s face, smiling away with a twinkle in his eyes, red wine staining his lips.

He thought about the first time they’d met, remembering instantly the way he’d felt being faced with those bright shiny blue eyes. He’d known there was something special about him. They had always been close since. They understood each other. Of course there had always been the occasional joke here and there that their friendship was something more, but both always brushed off such remarks, blamed it on alcohol etc.

Orlando shut his eyes again and smiled. He hadn’t had much time to spend with Felix lately but the thought of going back on tour together in a few days was making him feel giddy. Initially he’d been ashamed, and a little confused by his feelings for him, but as time had gone on he had realised that this was right. It had to be.

After a while he snapped back to reality and realised that the room was quiet. He wasn’t sure why, but he panicked suddenly. He didn’t want Felix to go, this time they spent alone together was special. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but Orlando had decided that this was his chance. He opened his eyes to see Felix had stood up from the floor where he was sat and had turned to walk out the door. He was about to get up from the chair when he saw Felix stop in his tracks. He was turning around again. Orlando quickly shut his eyes and pretended to be sleeping.

He heard Felix shuffle his way towards him. The room was so quiet. He felt Felix’s presence beside him. He had bent down, his face inches away. Orlando’s heart was racing. He could feel Felix’s breath against his face. It was taking every ounce of him not to just grab him and take him right there. He waited. And waited. Nothing. Just Felix’s breath. In and out.

A few minutes had passed, although to Orlando it felt like a lifetime, and he heard Felix move. He was leaving.

"FE!," shouted Orlando, before he could realise what he was doing.

"SHIT, Land. Oh fuck, don’t do that to me! I thought you were sleeping!," said Felix, catching his breath.

"…I am…shit…I mean…was…" He was a mess. Flustered and struggling to balance himself as he stood up from the chair.

"Well, I think someone’s a bit drunk and needs to go to bed"

Orlando went blank. He couldn’t speak. He had prepared this so many times, what he was going to say to Felix, tell him everything about the way he felt. But now, nothing. He wanted to cry.

Noticing something was wrong, Felix went over to comfort his friend. He wrapped Orlando into a hug, his face resting on his neck. Felix’s breath on Orlando’s neck made him shiver. His frame was rigid within Felix’s hold. He wanted this so badly, why couldn’t he do anything?

"Whassa matter, buddy?," said Felix, pulling away. "Did I do it wrong? I thought you loved a good hug?"

"No, it’s not—," Orlando started to say before he was cut off by Felix pulling him into another hug. 

This time it WAS different. Felix held him so gently, almost passionately. His hands slowly rubbing his back. His face buried in his neck. Orlando melted. He let himself go. He wrapped his arms around Felix and held tight. 

"See, this is better isn’t it?," Felix cooed, still resting on Orlando’s neck.

"Mmpfh," was all Orlando could manage to say.

Felix pulled away and held Orlando’s face in his hands.

"C’mon Land, what’s the matter? I’m worried about you. You’ve been pretty quiet recently, I mean, more than normal."

Orlando stared into Felix’s eyes.

"it’s just…," Orlando sighed, noticing that Felix’s thumbs were gently rubbing at his cheeks.

"Yeeeeahhh…?," Felix said encouragingly with a cheeky grin. He was still high as a kite.

"it’s just…I can’t…..I can’t explain…I don’t know how—-" Orlando dropped his head, but Felix’s hands lifted it up again.

"Come ON, Land. How long have we known each other? You can tell me anything, I won’t care what it is. I love you, man, you can trust me."

Orlando’s head was spinning. A mixture of feelings and drunken haze and the fact that Felix had just said ‘I love you’, albeit in an ‘i love you as a friend’ kind of way.

This was it. Enough was enough. He had to try. He leaned forward and kissed Felix’s mouth. He tasted of wine and it was only a few seconds before he hesitated and pulled away, embarrassed. Felix said nothing, he just stared at Orlando, his hands dropped away from his face. 

"Look, Fe, I….uh….sorry." He couldn’t think what to say. "I…have to go.." 

He turned away to leave but was surprised when Felix took his hand to stop him. They held hands for what seemed like forever before Felix inched forward towards Orlando again, hands grasping his face and pulling him into a passionate kiss. Orlando moaned and melted into Felix’s arms. This was what he had been waiting for, for so long. 

The pair were closer than ever, Felix’s hands in Orlando’s hair, Orlando’s hands creeping under Felix’s shirt. Orlando was surprised by how dominant Felix was being, how long had he felt this way? After a long while their lips finally parted. 

"Over here," Felix said, still holding on to Orlando’s waist, moving him towards the wall and pushing him against it with a thud.

"Mmpff…Fe…," Orlando sighed as Felix pressed his body against him. Grinding their crotches together, he could feel Felix against him.

They kissed again, harder. Orlando pulling Felix’s body even closer, his hand moving further down under the top of his trousers. Felix had already managed to remove Orlando’s hoody, tossing it on the floor, and was now working on undoing his shirt. Orlando’s hands had now moved to undo Felix’s trousers, moving to his crotch. He was apprehensive but Felix didn’t seem to care, so he continued. Felix’s mouth was now nibbling and licking Orlando’s ear and neck, his weak spot. This gave him the courage to venture further, his hand now under Felix’s boxers, rhythmically moving around him. He felt Felix’s breath quicken against his neck.

"Land…..," he whispered quietly between breaths. 

He started to move his hand towards Orlando’s crotch, undoing his jeans, rubbing his hand up and down against the material. Unsatisfied by the position they were in, he pulled Orlando around so that he was no longer against the wall. Orlando reciprocated and quickened his pace, Felix’s hands were clawing at Orlando’s back. They continued to kiss again, breathing deeply and shifting along the wall. Felix’s body twitched as he pushed away from the wall, he was close, but didn’t want this to end. He spun the pair around again pushing Orlando back against the wall with a moan. They were still locked together at the mouth, kissing hard, but Felix lost his balance and fell towards a table, piled high with CD’s, cigarettes and empty beer bottles. As Felix’s leg caught the table, the pile of CD’s wobbled and fell on the floor along with a hideous lamp that Hugo had got from an antique shop. The noise of it was magnified in the stark silence. 

"FUCK," whispered Felix, pulling away.

"What?," exclaimed Orlando, still in a daze. He hadn’t even noticed the noise.

"Fuck fuck fuck," continued Felix, fumbling with his clothes. "Land, quick, do something, the other guys will have heard that…they’ll see us."

Orlando didn’t know what to say. He was hurt that Felix seemed ashamed of what they were doing.

"LAND, come ON!," Felix hissed. "I can hear them coming."

Sure enough, they both heard footsteps heading towards the room they were in. Orlando was stood against the wall, trousers undone, shirt wide open, swollen lips. His hair was a mess, but somehow it suited him. Felix looked at him, he looked beautiful but he couldn’t let the others see. Not yet. He knew how much Orlando wanted this, how much it meant to him, but he wasn’t ready to share it with anyone. He looked at Orlando once again. So many feelings but the footsteps were getting louder. 

"I’m so sorry…," Felix said, tears in his eyes. And with that, he hit Orlando, square in the face.

Orlando fell to the floor just as Hugo came into the room.

"What the fuck is going on here, Fe?," shouted Hugo. "I thought someone was breaking in!"

Felix didn’t know what to say, shocked by his own actions. He looked at Orlando on the floor. His face was towards the wall but he could tell that he was crying. 

"FELIX?," repeated Hugo, as Sam had now joined them in the room.

Orlando shuffled on the floor and turned to face Felix, luckily managing to cover himself with his hoodie. His eyes were red, a darkish purple haze beginning to form around the left one, his face was flushed and wet with tears. 

Felix was stunned by his own feelings. The look in Orlando’s eyes broke his heart. He realised in that exact moment that this wasn’t a joke any more.


	2. Chapter 2

An hour had passed and Orlando still hadn’t said a word. Felix and Hugo were talking between themselves, Felix trying his best to explain what happened although he wasn’t entirely sure himself. Hugo had told Sam to go back to sleep as there was nothing he could do and that he would talk to Felix himself, after all he was his brother.

"It was just a stupid argument that got out of hand, let’s just leave it, yeah?," Said Felix, hoping that by now his younger brother would just drop it and go back to bed.

"Come on, you expect me to believe that? You two are so close, I can’t imagine what would make you so mad that you would punch HIM?," Hugo said questioningly, tilting his head towards Orlando, who was sat against the wall, knees to his chest.

There was a long pause.

"…..he said he didn’t like Bob Dylan…..," Felix said, out of desperation. He knew Orlando hated confrontation and was trying his hardest to end this discussion. He looked over apologetically, attempting to catch his gaze but Orlando stared into thin air.

"But you made him cry, Fe.."

"I know…" As if Felix needed reminding. "You know how he gets when he’s been drinking though"

Orlando laughed to himself the way they were talking about him as if he wasn’t in the room.

"So…yeah, Bob Dylan….whatever," said Felix eventually after a few minutes of silence.

Hugo sighed heavily. He almost believed the lie since Felix was such a big Bob Dylan fan. Either way, he decided that nothing more was going to be achieved now; it was late, they were drunk and tired. Things would be better in the morning.

"Well then, I’m going back to sleep. Whatever the problem is between you, you’d better sort it before we go away on Monday," Hugo said in a parent-like manner. "Come on, Fe." He motioned to Felix as he left the room.

Felix turned to follow his brother, but took one last look at Orlando. He was desperate to say something, he felt terrible, but he knew how stubborn Orlando could be. Trying to talk to him now would only make things worse. Orlando didn’t move or say anything as Felix left the room.

Felix hardly slept that night and the heavy bags under Orlando’s eyes the next morning suggested he didn’t either. He never heard Orlando come to bed, or get up in the morning; he wondered if he’d stayed sat in that room all night. The day went by relatively smoothly; none of the others mentioned the previous night, or questioned the purple bruise under Orlando’s eye. Felix wanted so much to talk to Orlando, to explain, but the opportunity never arose. Sure, they were pleasant to each other, discussing rehearsals and tour plans, but Felix noticed that even when they spoke Orlando could barely look him in the eye. Just give it time, he thought.

Sunday night approached and, after a long bus journey through the busy London traffic, they were seeking retreat in their hotel for the night before their flight the next morning.

"Sam you’re with Rupert, I’m with Will, and Fe… you’re with ‘Land," Said Hugo, taking full responsibility in the absence of Reuben, who was arriving in the morning to meet them.

"Sorry mate, but it was organised a few weeks ago and you two always share, so…," He said to Felix, who was looking a little apprehensive.

"Nah, s’cool, we’ve sorted things now, no problem," Replied Felix, trying his hardest to convince Hugo, as well as himself, that things between him and Orlando were fine.

While Hugo was busy sorting out the room keys Felix’s eyes scanned around the hotel lobby. He noticed Will and Orlando standing by the check-in desk smiling and laughing at something that probably wasn’t THAT funny. Felix felt a slight pang of jealousy, and also suspicion - if he didn’t know better, he’d say they were high.

Everyone eventually drifted to their rooms, including Felix, accompanied by Orlando trailing behind him along the corridor. For some reason their room was furthest away from everyone else. Felix opened the door to their room and started making his way in. He turned around to see Orlando standing in the doorway, staring at nothing; he looked like a lost child.

"You coming in then, mate?," Felix asked, trying to act as normal as possible.

"What?" Orlando seemed startled, like he’d been woken from a dream

"I said are you coming inside? You can’t sleep out there, can you?"

Orlando smiled to himself as he shuffled in the room. He was definitely feeling the effects of the joint him and Will sneakily had before entering the hotel.

The tv was on some show that neither of them knew. Felix had put it on as he wasn’t having much luck in talking to Orlando for longer than a few minutes, receiving only one-word answers to anything he said. Eventually he decided to call it a day; the atmosphere was making him feel uneasy.

"Night then, ‘Land, see ya in the morning" Felix said cheerily as he turned off the tv.

 

Silence.

"Um..i’m really sorry, y’know, about…everything. I really am. I think we should probably talk about it….yeah?," Felix said after a long pause. He wasn’t sure why he was starting this discussion now, but he just wanted things back the way they were; he wanted his friend back.

He looked over to Orlando, who was lying on his back staring at the ceiling; he watched him take a deep breath and turn to face the wall.

Orlando felt sick. He wasn’t sure if it was the comedown or his reaction to the atmosphere that was quite evident between him and Felix. He waited, wanting desperately to say something but his stubbornness stopped him. Tears were pricking in the corners of his eyes. He listened to Felix shuffling around in his bed before finally turning off the light. He felt awful; he knew how much Felix was trying. And he was right; they DID need to talk about it.

Orlando couldn’t tell how much time had passed, it could have been minutes or several hours, but he couldn’t sleep. He snuck out of bed and made his way to the bathroom, trying not to wake Felix, although he suspected that he was awake too. Looking at himself in the mirror he traced the purple smudge under his left eye with his fingers, wincing slightly as it was still sore. Why did he have to be so stubborn? The one thing he wanted more than anything was close to actually becoming something real, yet for some reason he couldn’t embrace it. Noticing that he was still fully clothed from earlier he removed his trousers and hoodie, leaving them in the corner of the bathroom. Standing in his boxers and t-shirt he felt nervous although he had no idea why, Felix had seen him like this before.

Turning off the bathroom light he stood for a while to let his eyes adjust to the darkness and after a few minutes he could make out the shape of the beds. He sighed deeply and quietly shuffled up to the side of the bed where Felix was sleeping, lifted the covers and gently climbed in. Felix was half asleep but managed to put his arm around Orlando’s waist, hugging him close. Orlando let out another sigh, the tension of the past day just melted away.

"Thank you," Felix mumbled.

Orlando smiled, squeezing Felix’s arm, but stayed silent. He knew that they should talk about what happened but he just couldn’t bring himself to do so, not tonight. After a while the sound of Felix’s rhythmic breathing sent him into a comfortable, but apprehensive, sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, chapter 3. It’s quite long, sorry got carried away! Hope you enjoy!

 Orlando opened his eyes, blinking a few times to gain focus on his surroundings. He had no idea what the time was but suspected that they were meant to be leaving sometime soon. He took a deep breath in and noticed that he and Felix had appeared to have slept in the same position for the entire night. He smiled, thinking about how nice it was to be this comfortable but suddenly felt embarrassed realising Felix’s hand, that had been resting around his waist when they fell asleep, was now resting limp on his crotch. If Felix was awake too, he thought, he most certainly will have noticed the bulge that had appeared there overnight. Much the same as the one that he could feel against his back.

"mmmmmm…mmmorning…," Felix said sleepily as he stretched, pushing harder into Orlando’s back. He nestled his head against Orlando’s neck, planting soft kisses that made him shiver.

"…Hi…,"  Orlando managed to say between sharp intakes of breath. 

He shuffled around slightly, turning his head so that the pair were facing each other. He just couldn’t help himself when faced with those eyes. They leant into a kiss, their tongues teasing each other’s mouths. Felix’s hands were wandering up Orlando’s back, making their way to his hair. He rolled over so that he was now straddled on top of Orlando, their lips parted. 

"Hi," smiled Felix cheekily, looking down at Orlando’s flushed face.

"I have to shower, we’ll be leaving soon," said Orlando as he shifted out from underneath Felix and shuffled his way to the bathroom, embarrassed.

Standing under the hot water, finishing off himself what he and Felix had started, he attempted to convince himself that he was right; he’d promised himself that if this was to work, they had to take their time. Sure, he was thrilled that Felix was up for it, but he had to make sure that he wanted it for the right reasons. It took a lot of courage to give himself up to someone and it just had to be right. 

Sweeping his hair back and pulling on his clothes from the day before he felt a lot more relaxed, although he wasn’t sure how he was going to manage a 10 hour flight. He still felt anger towards Felix for punching him, but he just couldn’t ignore all of the other feelings that came with it.

His hair was still wet as he left the bathroom and Felix was busy packing away his things, still in his boxers and, Orlando shamefully noticed, still rather excited. 

"Alright, ‘Land? I just gotta shower quickly then I’m ready," Felix said as he rushed past Orlando into the bathroom.

Orlando lay down on the bed. It wasn’t long before he heard Felix moan from behind the door, followed by the sound of running water. He smiled to himself. 

He’d almost started to drift back to sleep when he heard Felix come out of the bathroom. 

"Well, that’s better," Felix said, throwing Orlando a cheeky smile. 

"Hmmm. I guess we’d better be going. The others are probably downstairs already," replied Orlando. 

The drive to the airport didn’t take very long, and before they knew it they were on the plane waiting for take off. Orlando and Felix were seated next to each other, Orlando nearest the window, with Hugo sat the other side of Felix. The others were seated across the aisle. Due to the time zones, they would eventually be flying into darkness and it was only a matter of time before the cabin staff were dimming the lights and instructing passengers to close the window shutters. 

The flight was uncomfortable to say the least. Orlando lost count of the number of times that Felix’s hand ‘accidentally’ touched his thigh, or how many times they caught each other staring at one another. In the dim light they even managed a sneaky kiss. Orlando, although he didn’t want to, had to stop things when Felix started clutching at his crotch.

"Fe!," Orlando whispered as he reluctantly moved Felix’s hand away and nodded towards Hugo, who was sleeping next to them.

"S’alright, Land, he’s dead to the world."

The rest of the flight seemed to last forever and both Orlando and Felix were grateful when they had landed. 

After completing the same old hotel check-in routine, Felix and Orlando were already making their way to their room when they heard a voice behind them. It was Hugo.

"Are you two coming back down to the bar?," he asked.

"Uh…yeah, maybe later….yeah…," replied Felix, hesitantly. He could see Orlando out of the corner of his eye, growing more and more impatient by the second.

"Cool, think we’re going to drop off our bags, maybe shower then head straight back down so come down when you can."

"Ok then!," said Felix as he turned to follow Orlando, who was already halfway down the corridor, to their room.

By the time he caught up with him, Orlando had already opened the door to their room and had thrown his bags on the bed. Felix came in and shut the door and as he turned around was confronted by a rather flushed looking Orlando.

"So…," Orlando said, inching closer, causing Felix to back against the door.

"So…," Felix smiled, putting his hands around Orlando’s hips, gently pulling them close to his own. "I’ve waited all day for this."

"Tell me about it…..," Orlando sighed as he leaned in to kiss Felix’s mouth, before moving down to his neck. Felix responded by pulling him as close as physically possible. The pair were breathing heavily and Felix moaned as Orlando slid his hands up under his shirt.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Shit!," shouted Felix, startled, as he pushed Orlando away. "Quick, you’d better go in there," he whispered, gesturing towards the en suite. Orlando obliged, feeling slightly rejected, not to mention sexually frustrated.

Felix took a few deep breaths before opening the door. It was Hugo.

"Hey man, you ok? I heard you shout…"

"Yeah, it’s fine you just made me jump y’know?," Felix said, trying his best to be convincing.

"Ah right, sorry, but you’ll never guess who is in the bar? It’s Jessie! She’s over here for a few days and wanted to surprise us. You’ve got to come down, man," said Hugo excitedly.

"Wicked, man. Yeah, we’ll be right down in a bit!," Felix smiled and shut the door. 

"Land?……Lando?," Felix said, knocking on the bathroom door. Silence. "Is everything ok?…Land?"

"Yeah…..uh……in a minute," mumbled Orlando before letting out a groan. Felix heard the sound of water followed by the door unlocking. Orlando emerged looking flushed in the face. 

"Sorry, I just had to….you know….sorry," said Orlando sheepishly.

"S’alright, mate," replied Felix with a wink. "To be honest, I wish I could too but Jessie is down in the bar with the rest of the guys, they’re waiting for us."

Down in the bar, they all had a great time. They probably drank a bit too much considering it was the eve of tour, but a great time nonetheless. They were all crammed around a small table in the corner of the bar. Orlando sat squashed next to Felix, watching him laughing and joking with Jessie. They had been best friends for so long and Felix really cared for her a lot. He wondered if Felix cared for him as much as that. The more he thought about Felix, the more he wanted him. Maybe it was just the alcohol. Or maybe he just needed to calm down.

"I’m going outside for a cigarette," Orlando said to Felix, standing up and steadying himself with his hand unintentionally on Felix’s thigh.

Leaning against the wall outside, he took a long drag on his cigarette. His face felt hot due to the alcohol. He hadn’t had this much to drink for quite a while, but he felt he had to as a way of trying to stop these feelings. The problem was that it didn’t stop them, it only made them worse and more confusing.

"Hey, Land, are you ok?," said Felix cheerfully as he came out to join his friend.

"Yeeahh…," Orlando sighed as he closed his eyes, taking another drag on his cigarette. "I just feel a bit… _weird._ ”

"You mean _drunk_?”

"…..Yeah, I guess so. And my face feels like it’s on fire……….wait, what are you doing?," Orlando said as he felt cool hands on either side of his cheeks.

"Cooling you down, mate," Felix said, inhaling deeply on his cigarette, his eyes glazed.

"I’m not sure that will work."

"Why’s that then?," Felix said as he gently thumbed Orlando’s face. 

"You know why," Orlando replied, after a deep sigh.

"Not a clue," Felix said cheekily with a grin. He moved his face closer to Orlando’s, his face still holding his cheeks. "Tell me."

"Stop it, you." Orlando struggled to speak as he stared into Felix’s piercing blue eyes.

"Well you definitely _look_ hot, especially with that beard, y’know what I mean?”

"I said stop it."

"You’re such a cute drunk, do you know that?," Felix said, planting a kiss on Orlando’s mouth before quickly moving away to take a drag on his cigarette.

"Hey, you two alright? We thought you’d got lost out here!," Hugo joked as he came outside.

"Orlando isn’t feeling to good. He’s burning up. I think I’ma take him back to the room," said Felix insistently, giving Orlando a sneaky wink as he stubbed out his cigarette on the floor.

"Oh no, that’s not good. Yeah, definitely take him then," Hugo said, sounding concerned.

"Oh, I will," said Felix, smirking as he looked back at Orlando, holding out his hand. "See you tomorrow morning, guys."

"Yeah see ya, mate. Look after him, we need him tomorrow!," Hugo replied as he went back to the bar.

Felix held Orlando’s hand all the way back to their room. Neither of them spoke as they went inside. Orlando sat down on the bed with his head in his hands as Felix joined him.

"What’s wrong?," Felix asked, rubbing Orlando’s back.

"I….don’t know, really. I’m just not sure how, or why…..I mean, what to do about….this," Orlando said briefly lifting his head.

"Isn’t this what you want?"

"It is. It really is," Orlando said after a while, almost as if he’d had a great revelation. Maybe he had. He wanted to take things slow, but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could wait.

He stared at the floor for several minutes before turning to face Felix again. Without even speaking, and before they knew it, they were locked in a passionate kiss. All the tension that had been building up between them was finally coming out. Their hands were all over the place, grabbing at each other’s clothes and hair like it was a race to see who could get naked first.

By the time Felix had made his way down towards Orlando’s crotch, Orlando almost didn’t know where he was. He moaned as he felt Felix’s mouth around his cock, his body tensing. He sat up and pulled at Felix’s hair, who responded by planting a trail of kisses up his body before reaching his mouth with a deep kiss, his tongue exploring his mouth. Their bodies rocked against each other, their naked hips thrusting and grinding together. Felix moaned as Orlando pulled away from the kiss.

"Are you sure you want this?," he said, panting. His head was spinning and he was still feeling the effects of the alcohol.

"Mate, I’m lying naked on top of you, do you really have to ask?," Felix slurred, leaning his face back down towards Orlando’s, as they continued where they left off. And then some.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think.

After that night they had spent together, Orlando felt as though a weight had been lifted. He experienced something that he could’ve never imagined, with someone that he cared so much for. It was a few days later before anything else happened between them and Orlando had wondered if Felix was deliberately distancing himself. They shared a few secret kisses and encounters here and there when they could, or when they were alone on the bus, but something felt different to Orlando. Was Felix ashamed? Something had changed and he was terrified that he had made a mistake.

One morning, several days later, they were together in the lounge of the bus when Felix’s phone started to vibrate. He picked it up and immediately started smiling, laughing to himself. This was becoming a frequent situation. Orlando thought back to a couple of days ago when they were having a ‘moment’ and were rudely interrupted by the phone ringing; Felix seemed overly defensive and practically wrestled Orlando to the floor when he tried to intercept the call. 

"Who’s that?" Orlando asked, trying to be casual this time. He didn’t like how paranoid he was being, but he felt protective of Felix, now more so than before.

"Huh? Oh, s’nothing, don’t worry" Felix replied, sounding uncertain.

"Must be pretty funny, you’ve been smiling at your phone every time it goes off"

"Haha, c’mon Land, you’re being paranoid. Do I have to tell you _everything?”_ Felix said, almost cheekily, as he stood up to leave, but not before planting a deep kiss on Orlando’s mouth.

Orlando was left sitting alone in the lounge, his lips tingling from the unexpected kiss. Maybe he was just being too paranoid. It had been a long time since he had felt this way about someone and he didn’t want to ruin it again by jumping to conclusions.

Two weeks into the tour they finally had a day off. This usually meant a big night out beforehand, and tonight was no exception.

The club was heaving and Orlando had been separated from the others. He was just outside with Will, smoking a joint, but then left because Will was chatting up some girl and it became very awkward. Pushing his way back through the crowds he started to sway, he was really quite drunk and smoking that joint had probably been a bad idea. All he could think about at times like this was Felix. Although they had spent a night together, they still hadn’t properly discussed what was going on between them. He spotted Felix leaning against the other side of the bar, smiling and laughing. Just the sight of that smile put him at ease.

After a few minutes of making his way through the crowd he came to a position where he could see Felix a lot clearer. He was hoping to catch his attention but couldn’t. He then saw why; Felix was talking to Laura, a mutual friend. He watched as Felix held her against him, his arm around her waist, laughing and whispering into her ear. A penny dropped. All the texts and phone calls Felix had been acting so weirdly about. It was her. A few weeks before tour he remembered Felix saying something about Laura being out there the same time as them but thought nothing else of it, and Felix never brought it up again. 

His mind flashed back to two weeks ago, the night they spent together. He remembered Felix was on his phone when he came outside for a cigarette, in the hotel room before the flight out there, in the bar, on the bus. His mind was spinning, had he really been that stupid?

He moved further around the bar and continued to watch, although his height was becoming a disadvantage as more and more people seemed to want to get to the exact spot at the bar where he was. He saw the look in Felix’s eyes, he knew that look, he’d been on the receiving end of that look. He watched Felix drink the remainder of his beer in one go, before leading Laura through the crowd. It was so busy that he lost sight of them almost immediately and as hard as he tried he couldn’t see where they had gone.

Orlando felt sick to the pit of his stomach. He called to the barman and ordered 3 double vodka shots, gulping them down one after the other and wincing at the taste; he didn’t even like Vodka. His face was burning and tears were beginning to fall from his eyes. He could barely see straight as he stumbled out of the club doorway onto the street. He had never felt so angry in his life; the one time he finally opened up to someone, gave himself to someone, only to have it thrown back in his face. He hated himself so much for even believing that Felix could have felt the same way. 

He was leaning against a wall by the side of the club, attempting to calm down, when he felt a hand on his shoulder

"Awwrright loverboyy?" slurred a drunken man, who was a lot bigger than Orlando. 

Anger was causing adrenaline to surge through his body and he pushed the man away, immediately regretting the decision as he noticed that the man was with a group of equally big friends.

"OI, what the FUCK are ya playing at, mate?" the man shouted, leering towards him with a clenched fist. Orlando braced himself for another hit. At least now he’d have a matching set, he thought. Maybe he deserved it for being so stupid.

"Hey, HEY, leave him alone! Go on, FUCK OFF! You heard me!" shouted a familiar voice. 

Orlando was still bracing himself to be hit, his body rigid against the wall until he felt warm hands on his shoulders. 

"Land, are you alright? LAND? It’s ok, they’ve gone"

"Hugo…?" Orlando managed to squeak as he opened his eyes, putting his hand on Hugo’s arm to steady himself.

"What happened?" Hugo questioned. "Felix said he saw you leaving looking upset, he was worried. He and Laura jus—"

“ _What?_ nothing……nothing, I, I just really need a cigarette.” Orlando was fumbling in his pockets for his cigarettes, pulling one out but struggling to work the lighter. “…fucking Felix” he mumbled.

"Felix? Wha-" Hugo started before getting cut short.

"FUCK" Orlando shouted as he threw the lighter across the floor, tears streaming down his face.

Hugo was stunned. Of course the alcohol was making things worse, but he’d never seen Orlando so angry. 

"Come on, let’s get you back to the bus" Hugo said as he attempted to pull Orlando away from the wall 

"Noooohh I can’t…..I’ve gotta…I’ve…" Orlando slurred, trying to regain some sense of purpose, all the while still sobbing.

"You’re not making sense, Land. Come on, let’s go and we can talk about it"

"But I don’t want to _TALK_ about it, I want to… _DRINK_ …about it” Orlando shouted, followed by a childish giggle, laughing at his own joke.

"You’ve had more than enough by the looks of things" said Hugo patiently. "Stop being a baby and let’s go back to the bus, or do you want me to get Felix?".

“ _No_ , why would I want….. I mean, he’s having fun, leave him….where’s my lighter?” Orlando said, staring at the floor, cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth.

Hugo, who had his arm around Orlando’s shoulders, reached into his pocket and pulled out his own lighter with a smile.

"Come on then, you" he said to a slightly less-angry Orlando.

They walked slowly arm in arm back onto the bus and, after a bit of negotiation, collapsed down on the big sofa in the lounge area. 

"Thank you…" slurred a weepy Orlando as he leaned heavily against Hugo, arms sprawled all over him, still sobbing gently with tears that seemed never-ending.

"Are you still crying?" Hugo asked, half laughing.

"….I can’t stop"

They stayed sat there for a long while before Orlando broke the silence.

"Thank you"

"I told you before, don’t worry about it" Hugo replied, moving awkwardly as he realised Orlando’s arm was resting against his crotch.  "Felix was really worried about you, you know"

"…you’re so…… _great_ ….a real great friend…” Orlando continued to slur, hugging Hugo tightly and deliberately avoiding the conversation.

Hugo was quite drunk also and he didn’t stop Orlando when he began to inch closer to kiss his face, his arm tightening around his crotch. He knew how wrong it was to let Orlando do this, especially as he was so drunk, but he couldn’t deny how good it felt. He breathed deep as Orlando licked his ear and started to kiss a trail down his neck. He shifted in his seat, half standing, causing Orlando to slide down onto the floor so that he was sitting between Hugo’s legs. 

"Right, bed-time for you I think" said Hugo as he looked down at Orlando, who had the most drunken, dorkiest smile plastered across his face, his eyes glistening and still wet with tears; looking confused as to how he’d ended up on the floor. There really was something special about him, Hugo thought, but he couldn’t let him do this in this state. After all, he wasn’t stupid, he knew he wasn’t the one that Orlando really wanted.

"Oh… like that, is it?" Orlando replied cheekily looking up at Hugo from the floor.

"No..no, it’s not, come on, you know what I mean" Hugo replied as he stood up to leave. But before he could walk away Orlando grabbed a hold of his legs, causing him to fall back down onto the sofa.

"Well, y’know…I’m not sure that I do…."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5! I hope you enjoy. Please let me know what you think. I have started chapter 6 which, at the moment, looks to be the most x-rated so far…! (good thing/bad thing?) I’ll submit that one soon hopefully.

Orlando woke up completely disorientated, his head was pounding and the sour taste in his mouth made him wince. After several minutes he eventually realised he was in his bunk and sleepily he crawled out to see if anyone was around. Standing alone in the corridor he struggled to remember what had happened the night before. He had no idea what the time was but he could hear talking from the lounge and assumed the others were in there already. He felt cold and looked down to see he was only wearing Hugo’s La Shark shirt; where were his clothes? Confused, he shakily got dressed into some other clothes he found, brushed his teeth and made his way to the lounge, putting Hugo’s shirt into his bunk as he passed.

As he opened the door to the lounge, rubbing his eyes as he got used to the bright light, he was greeted by Sam and Rupert, who both smiled and said good morning; they were watching something on the television that Orlando didn’t recognise. He noticed Felix in the corner kitchen, making himself a drink.

"Alright, Fe?," Orlando asked. Felix didn’t respond and continued to stare into his cup of coffee.

"Fe…?"

"Hey Land, you feeling better? Thanks for the shirt," Hugo smiled as he entered the lounge wearing his La Shark, his hair wet from the shower.

"Uh, yeah, no problem. I found it on, uh, the floor," Orlando replied, confused.

Felix didn’t say anything as he got up and walked out, shutting the door loudly behind him.

"What’s the matter with him?," Orlando asked, upset. "He won’t talk to me."

"Oh don’t worry about him. He’s just gone to say goodbye to Laura, she’s leaving today and I think he’s got a bit attached," replied Hugo.

"Oh…"

"Are you feeling better?," Hugo asked, his hand on Orlando’s shoulder.

"Yeah, well, I think so. Thank you for looking after me…I think?," Orlando replied, embarrassed. Although he couldn’t have done anything that bad last night, he thought, otherwise Hugo would have said something, wouldn’t he?

"Haha, no worries Land. We’ve all been there, just take it easy next time, yeah? Anyway I’d better go wake up Will. I swear that boy could sleep through a war zone!" 

***

Their next two shows were awful; Orlando kept forgetting the words and Felix made more mistakes than he could count. To make matters worse, they still weren’t speaking. It was unlike them and was beginning to put a strain on the rest of the band. Eventually it was Hugo who decided enough was enough; the others didn’t want to rock the boat and, really, they knew that Hugo would be the only one they would listen to anyway.

"Right, I’ve had enough of this," Hugo said the next morning in the lounge. "I’ve had enough of your arguing, we all have. I don’t know what the problem is between you but it’s affecting your performance on stage and that reflects badly on all of us, not just you."

Orlando and Felix sat silent as if they were children being told off by their parents. Of course Hugo knew why they were fighting, but they had to sort it out themselves.

"The rest of us are going out for a while so y-"

"Oh cool, where you going?," Felix interrupted, trying to avoid the confrontation.

"WE are going out so _you two_ can sort this thing out. I mean it,” Hugo replied, showing his uncharacteristically angry manner.

"Oh come on, mate, it’s fine," said Felix, almost pleading with Hugo as he joined the others to leave.

"No, it’s not Felix. You need to sort this out. We’re here for another month yet and you can’t be acting like this the whole time. I’ll lock you in here until you talk to each other if I have to," he said as he gave Felix a quick push back into the lounge before shutting the door.

"HUGO! Let us out!…HUGO!," Felix shouted as he heard the door lock. "FUCK!," he shouted again, kicking the door.

"Are you happy now?," Felix sneered as he turned around to face Orlando, who was sitting on the sofa.

"What do you mean? You haven’t spoken to me for two days since—"

"Can you blame me?," Felix questioned sarcastically.

Silence.

"Oh please, don’t tell me you don’t remember?"

Silence.

"I remember you and Laura…," Orlando eventually replied after another long pause.

"Oh fucking hell, is that what this is about? Yeah, ok, I was with Laura and we….yeah we made out ok? Is that what you want to hear?," Felix sighed.

"Not really."

Felix didn’t say anything, he just stared furiously at Orlando. They remained in silence for a long time, both of them being too stubborn to make the next move.

"Do you really not remember?" Felix asked finally, his voice lowered this time.

Orlando shook his head, silent.

Felix laughed to himself, his head in his hands. He took a deep breath before lifting his head to continue.

"You don’t remember being so drunk that you couldn’t see straight? You don’t remember being so _fucking_ drunk that you almost ended up in a fight?,” Felix said, his voice getting gradually louder. 

"I was so fucking _worried_ about you. You were off your face, not like you at all. I tried to find you….you don’t remember….” Felix was shaking, getting visibly upset.

"Remember _WHAT?,_ " shouted a frustrated Orlando.

"FUCKING MY _BROTHER?!,_ " Felix screamed, the sound echoing around the bus followed by an immediate silence.

Orlando was stunned. He didn’t know what to say, he could barely remember what happened. He could just about remember making out with Hugo, but just how far it actually went was a mystery.

"Oh, so you don’t deny it then? I thought maybe I’d just imagined it but obviously not," Felix jumped in before Orlando could respond.

"No…I….I mean, I don’t know. I was drunk, we were both…..why are you so bothered anyway, you seemed pretty preoccupied with _Laura,_ " replied Orlando, almost childishly, desperately trying to remember what happened.

"Nothing _happened_ with Laura, we made out, that was all. I saw you at the bar, you looked awful. I saw you leave and I was worried about you so I took Laura to get a taxi and came to find you. I looked everywhere. Eventually I came back to the bus to find you on the sofa in Hugo’s fucking La Shark shirt and _nothing_ else—”

"Yeah, but that doesn’t—," Orlando started to say.

"You were practically _naked,_ Land, and I didn’t think much of it until I saw Hugo come out the shower in just a _towel!_ His clothes were all over the floor!,” Felix shouted as he sat down on the sofa.

Orlando laughed out loud.

"This isn’t fucking _funny_ , Land,” Felix argued.

"I know, I know, I’m sorry, but I think you’re jumping to conclusions."

"Oh so _now_ you remember what happened?”

"I don’t know. I mean, I was so drunk. I think I was just sick on my clothes and then I guess Hugo let me borrow his shirt…," Orlando said convincingly as he joined Felix on the sofa.

"You _think?_ Or you _know?_ ”

"I know. I remember now. That’s what happened," Orlando lied, he actually had no idea. "Anyway, didn’t you ask Hugo?"

"No, he didn’t see me. He went straight to his bunk and passed out so I had to put you to bed myself," Felix said. 

"Sorry. You should have just left me there…," Orlando replied, feeling ashamed.

"I couldn’t. You were three sheets to the wind and your butt was showing…"

The pair sat in silence for a long time before Orlando caught Felix’s eye and smiled an apologetic smile, giggling quietly. Felix gave in and returned the smile, dropping his head with a sigh. 

"So nothing happened between you then, you promise?," he asked after a few minutes.

Orlando thought hard for a while; he had started to remember flashes of that night. He remembered being outside the club, the drunken man, Hugo taking him to the bus…

"Land….nothing happened?"

"…No. Nothing happened. I promise," Orlando replied.

Felix let out a sigh as he pulled Orlando into a hug, burying his face into his neck. Orlando wrapped his arms around Felix but still felt guilty. In his selfish desire to make things better between them, he hadn’t told Felix that he remembered lying on the sofa with Hugo; that he remembered kissing him, touching him. He genuinely couldn’t remember anything after that, but surely that was bad enough. 

"What about you and Laura?," Orlando questioned, pulling out of the embrace, hesitating and worried Felix would be angry.

"Honestly? I like Laura a lot. I do. But it’s … _different_.” Felix sighed. “It’s just, this is hard for me you know? I know you’ve felt this way for a long time and accepted it but it’s taking me a bit longer to—”

"It’s ok, I understand. We’ll take it easy, no rush," Orlando interrupted, feeling guilty that Felix was being so honest.

"We’re ok then?," Felix asked, holding Orlando’s hips.

Orlando hated lying to Felix but as he stared into those blue eyes, nothing seemed to matter. This was his second chance and he didn’t want to ruin it again.

"Yeah, we are." 

Orlando leaned in and kissed Felix, wrapping his arms around him again. Felix reciprocated by pulling Orlando further down onto the sofa. Orlando moaned as Felix’s hands pushed down the back of his jeans, pulling him closer. They kissed heavily, parting briefly so that Orlando could remove his shirt. Felix sat forwards, lifting off his own shirt before pushing Orlando forward so he was now on top of him. Orlando managed to move his hands down to Felix’s belt and began to remove his jeans. They continued like this for half an hour, eventually collapsing on the floor in a sweaty mess; both exhausted and panting heavily. 

"Second time’s a charm…," Felix said with a sigh as he stared at the ceiling in a post-sex daze.

"It’s third time, actually," Orlando corrected him, with his matter-of-fact tone.

"Huh? But we’ve only—"

"I was referring to the phrase, silly." 

"Oh, right..haha." Felix paused. "Well, if _third_ time is a charm…” He leaned over to kiss Orlando’s neck, rolling over so that he was straddled on top of him, their lips joining. Orlando laughed into the kiss and gave in for a few minutes before pulling away.

"Come on, sensible now. Let’s take our time…"

"Precious time?," laughed Felix.

"Exactly," Orlando smiled. "Come on, the others will be back soon."

Unbeknownst to them, during their arguing, Hugo had returned to the bus and was sat outside the door to the lounge. He had heard _everything_. More importantly, he was the only one that knew the truth about that night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. I wasn’t happy with the chapter I’d written so started it over. Hopefully this one is ok..! Please let me know what you think.

It was nearing the end of the tour, which, for them, meant a couple of festival appearances. After playing their allocated slot earlier to a packed crowd, they were all now in the crowd themselves watching the last few bands perform. The were happy enough in the busy crowd, a few knowing glances from people, maybe fans of the band, but not so many as to disrupt their evening. 

A fight had broken out between a group of drunken men to their left, eventually culminating in one of the men being pushed to the floor. Orlando watched the brawling men intently; watching the hurt man on the floor he couldn’t help but sympathise. A strange feeling found its way to his stomach as his mind flashed back to that night when Felix hit him. A memory he’d managed to block out of his mind easier than he thought since neither him nor Felix ever properly spoke about it after it happened. Deep down Orlando knew this was probably the wrong way to go about things but, except for the night in the bar, things had been good between them, so why spoil it?

Well, things had been good. The time following that day Hugo locked the both of them on the bus was amazing. They were inseparable, stealing sneaky kisses whenever they could and making any excuse possible to be together - even on stage where they would share knowing glances and smiles whenever they performed ‘Precious Time’; a joke that was meaningless to anyone else but them. Their own special moment in front of so many people who had no idea. 

However, over the past week Orlando had noticed a familiar change. The time they spent alone together became less frequent as Felix seemed to make excuses to avoid his advances. The physical contact dwindled to things that would only occur between friends, not lovers. Were they lovers? _Who knew._ The tour was nearly over, and recent events were leaving Orlando feeling little more than a summer fling.

"Hey, come here, you don’t want to get caught up in that" Felix said as he put his arm around Orlando’s shoulders, pulling him away. Orlando remained within Felix’s hold, resting his head on his shoulder and feeling the most comfort he’d felt for a long time. _Finally_. For a few minutes nothing mattered. For a few minutes Orlando focused on nothing except the touching of their bodies and the slow movement of Felix’s breathing.

"Hang on a minute, Land" Felix said as he reached into his pocket, breaking their short-lived embrace as he pulled out his phone. Orlando watched as Felix answered the call, his face lighting up as the caller identified themselves. _Laura_. He tried to appear nonchalant as Felix reached out to squeeze his arm, mouthing the word “sorry”.  Orlando nodded with a smile but deep down his heart was aching; he’d tried to ignore the recent increasing phone calls in an attempt to give Felix the benefit of the doubt. To be the better man. But now, in this moment, he couldn’t help but feel he was losing. 

If previous phone calls were anything to go by, Felix would be talking for a long time and Orlando didn’t feel like sticking around being the third wheel, especially with a _phone_. He turned around with a sigh and spotted Hugo, a few feet away and staring at the ground.

"Hey, man, are you alright?" Orlando questioned, worried about his friend.

"Yeah, I think, I’m just tired y’know…" Hugo replied eventually after a long pause. "I think I might go back…"

"I’ll come with you, make sure you get back ok."

"No, no, it’s ok I—"

"I insist" Orlando said firmly, quickly glancing around towards Felix who had now absent-mindedly wandered further away. "Besides, the next band isn’t on for a while." He looked into Hugo’s eyes, almost pleading to get away. Hugo shrugged and the pair headed off back to their bus.

"I guess this is what I must’ve been like the other week, huh? Although you’re a lot more sober than I was!" Orlando laughed to himself as he sat Hugo down on the sofa and went to get him a glass of water. "Are you ok? I mean you’ve been a bit—"

"Come here"

"What? I am here, I’m—" Orlando mumbled confused as he sat down beside his friend.

"Come….here… _please_ " Hugo sighed as he pulled Orlando into a deep kiss. Orlando was immediately drawn in, as if under a spell, and let himself go; Felix’s rejection had only increased his desire for company. For comfort. He felt Hugo’s hips thrusting forwards to meet his own, gradually building up a steady rhythm to match the rhythm of their mouths. He couldn’t comprehend what was happening but he just knew that he didn’t want it to stop. _How could this happen?_ It was different to Felix; it was passionate. _Intense_. Hugo’s hands were caressing his body making him feel things he didn’t think were possible; he knew _exactly_ where to put them. 

After several amazing minutes Orlando reluctantly pulled away and stood up in a daze, his lips throbbing and swollen, suddenly feeling terribly ashamed of what he was doing; what about Felix?

"What are you doing?" Hugo said. He was strewn across the sofa, legs wide open and his eyes were half-closed.

"What are _you_ doing? I can’t do this. I mean, what about…..I just can’t”

"He doesn’t have to know…" Hugo was staring knowingly into Orlando’s eyes.

"I…but…I.." Orlando couldn’t speak. His thoughts were a mess; how did he know about Felix? Did he really want this? Did he even care?

In the meantime Hugo had removed his shirt and his hands were now resting on Orlando’s hips, pulling them closer to his own. Orlando gulped hard, his mouth was dry; he had never seen Hugo this way before, he was practically _smouldering_. His mind flashed back to Felix and Laura together, a horrible feeling washing over him. He thought that taking things slow between him and Felix would be a good idea but Felix’s recent lack of interest was enough to convince him to continue. In this moment Orlando wanted more. He wanted to be _wanted._

"He doesn’t have to know" Hugo repeated as he leaned in eagerly towards Orlando, their foreheads touching.

"What about the d—"

"Locked" Hugo sighed before kissing Orlando hard on the mouth, only coming up for air to pull off Orlando’s shirt.

Orlando felt exposed and embarrassed immediately, his body was nowhere near as toned as Hugo’s and he couldn’t help but stare and feel quite inadequate in comparison. Hugo sensed Orlando’s anxiety and started making his way down, kissing a trail down his chest in an attempt to put him at ease. Orlando moaned out loud and Hugo took this as a sign that he had succeeded. 

Orlando let out a sigh as Hugo pushed him against the table, his hands grasping at his jeans. His head rolled back as he felt Hugo release the pressure and take his cock deep into his mouth. His legs were weak and his arms were struggling to hold his weight against the table but Hugo had already built up a steady rhythm, sucking hard and slow; _How was he so good at this?_ , Orlando thought. 

He wanted to prolong this as much as possible and tugged at Hugo’s hair, hoping he would take the hint. Hugo stood up, wiping his lips, with a wicked look in his eyes. Without even thinking, Orlando reached for Hugo’s skin-tight jeans, tentatively undoing the button and zip to release his raging erection. He gripped it with one hand and began to move slowly up and down, his other hand in Hugo’s hair, pulling him into a kiss before moving to nibble at his neck. Orlando quickened his pace, causing Hugo to moan and shiver against him.

"Fuck you…" he laughed cheekily into Orlando’s ear with a grin.

Unsatisfied that he was no longer the dominant one, he pulled away and spun Orlando around, pushing him forwards onto the table. He leaned in and without warning thrust himself into Orlando, causing him to moan loudly. It took Orlando by surprise but, weirdly, he quite liked it and didn’t complain as Hugo continued to pound into him, his hands gripping at the table. Hugo was moving faster, his breaths becoming jittery, signalling that he was nearly there. Orlando was surprised at how much the sound of Hugo’s breathing turned him on and it wasn’t long before he had a hold of his own cock, moving fast in sync with Hugo’s hips. They both let out a groan as they released almost simultaneously. Hugo continued to thrust into Orlando for a few short bursts as the aftershocks took hold, before moving backwards to clean himself up. Orlando lay limp on the table for a few minutes; he lowered his burning face on to its surface to cool himself down. A wave of guilt passed over him, residing in the pit of his stomach. What had he done? He was a hypocrite if there ever was one.

"Did I…I mean, that was…." Hugo said grinning his wicked smile in Orlando’s direction as he pushed his hair back into place, flexing his arms. _He looks like a fucking model_ , thought Orlando.

"It was." Orlando said knowingly as he stood up and pulled on his clothes, feeling awful that he enjoyed it as much as he did but also amazed as to how _different_ it was.

"It’s still early, the others won’t be back yet. I’m going to have a cigarette" Hugo said casually as he zipped up his jeans and picked his shirt up off the floor. "Do you want one?"

"Ok, well, um…no thanks. I think I’ll head back out there, might catch the last band. They’re probably wondering where I am anyway, well, Felix….." Orlando trailed off as he opened the bus door to leave, avoiding Hugo’s gaze that followed him all the way out. He wasn’t sure how Hugo could act so normal after what just happened but he figured he’d just try and go along with it, albeit awkwardly. 

Hugo watched as Orlando unlocked the door and slowly walked away back to the crowds, back to Felix, contemplating whether or not to say the words that were on the tip of his tongue. Of course, he wasn’t intending to be mean, he had a soft spot for Orlando after all.

"Second time’s a charm, babe…" he called out after a few minutes, unable to help himself.

Orlando stopped dead in his tracks.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly shorter chapter before Chapter 8, which will probably be the last one (I think, maybe..). Hope you enjoy…?

Orlando spun around and stomped his way back towards Hugo, who was leaning casually against the side of the bus smoking his cigarette in that typical ‘I don’t give a shit’ fashion.

"What… did you just say?"

"You heard." Hugo replied, exhaling the smoke into the air. 

"How do I know you’re not lying?" Orlando questioned, although deep down he knew that the likelihood was slim.

"Really? You’re actually asking me that?" Hugo laughed "How else do you think I knew where to touch to make you shiver like that? where to kiss you so that you moan like that? where to—"

"Stop it" Orlando shouted, realisation hitting him in the chest. He noticed a group of people passing by the bus, staring in their direction after hearing him shout. 

"We can’t do this here" Orlando hissed as he pulled at Hugo’s arm, pulling him back onto the bus before slamming the door. 

"Why the _fuck_ didn’t you say anything before? You acted so normal that day I assumed nothing had happened!”

"I’m just wondering why you lied to Felix, why didn’t you tell him the truth?" Hugo asked casually, ignoring Orlando’s questioning.

"Because I can’t fucking _remember_ the truth! ” Orlando shouted, getting angrier by the second. “And how did you know about that anyway? You were eavesdropping on our conversation?” 

"Yeah, and the rest" Hugo replied with a wink. He wanted to annoy Orlando, to get him angry enough that maybe he would see what was going on.

"Fuck off!" Orlando sneered. He really had no other argument. He still couldn’t remember fully what had happened that night but he had a pretty good idea. He wanted so hard to believe that Hugo was lying, but he knew that it wasn’t in his nature to do so and being in denial about it wasn’t going to help things now.

"Oh come on, why are you protecting him? He’ll never want you the way you want him." Hugo said as he turned and made his way back to the lounge.

"What? and _you_ do?!” Orlando replied as he hurriedly followed him.

"No. I’m just trying to make you understand…"

Orlando was silent. 

"I’m trying to make you understand that Felix is using you" Hugo said matter-of-factly as he sat down on the sofa.

"How do you know that, exactly?" Orlando spat back. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, why was Hugo being like this?

"I’m his brother, I _know_. It doesn’t take a genius to work out how much you like him and it hurts me to see you being used.”

"But he’s not—"

"He may act like he’s into you.." Hugo continued, "Maybe he is, but it will never be how you want it to be. Can you not see? He fucks up, makes mistakes, like with Laura…and then he’ll manipulate you into forgiving him. I mean, have you completely forgotten that he punched you in the face?"

"…no" Orlando replied, sheepishly casting his eyes downward.

"Did you ever talk about it? Or did Felix just fuck you into forgiving him?"

"No! I mean, he said we should talk about it but then stuff happened….." Orlando trailed off, certain that Hugo knew what he meant. "And then he didn’t say any more about it"

"Of course he wouldn’t say anything, he wouldn’t be able to fuck you then would he?" Hugo retorted, pushing Orlando’s anger to the limit.

"Stop talking like that! It’s my fault too, I never questioned it either…I let him carry on". Orlando made his way to the sofa where he sat with his head in his hands, finally beginning to give in to the reality of the situation.

"Come on, Land. You can’t always blame yourself." Hugo said as he shuffled closer, putting a hand on Orlando’s back.  "Tours are long and you’ve got to please yourself somehow, find company where you can. Felix knew what he was doing. He should have put a stop to things when he fucked Laura but he didn’t, and that was wrong."

"But he told me nothing happened between.…" Orlando trailed off. He looked at Hugo, who was looking back at him with sympathy pouring out of his eyes. The wave of feelings that encompassed Orlando in that moment was overwhelming and, before he knew it, he was crying. He was finally broken.

This wasn’t the first time Orlando had experienced this kind of feeling. Back in his early twenties he became friends with a girl by the name of Mary. They got on so well together he became immediately enamoured with her, convinced he was in love with her after knowing her for a little over two weeks. As far as he was concerned, she was ‘the one’. Hopeful that she felt the same way he’d devised a plan to declare his love for her but found out later, in not the best of circumstances, that she only had eyes for his older brother. And this time he’d made exactly the same mistake; giving up his heart too quickly only to have it broken. Maybe now, this time, he would finally learn the lesson. 

Hugo hated seeing Orlando like this, in fact it broke his heart a little, but he knew that it was right. He pulled Orlando into a comforting embrace and let him cry into his shoulder. They sat that way for a long time, neither of them saying a word. Orlando held on tightly to Hugo, whose head was resting gently on top of his own, breathing softly. Thoughts were plaguing his mind; how could he have been so stupid. _Again_. 

Eventually the tears subsided and Orlando pulled himself away from Hugo’s hold, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and letting out a big sigh. Hugo stayed silent, waiting for Orlando to speak, looking at him patiently. 

"what about..y’know…us?" Orlando finally said, his voice hoarse from the crying.

"Haha, don’t worry yourself about that" Hugo laughed. 

"But—"

"No buts." Hugo said firmly, although Orlando didn’t look impressed as he displayed his oh-so-familiar pout and frown expression.

"Ok, the first time? It just happened." Hugo continued. "You were upset, desperate for company, and both of us were too drunk to stop it. The second time? Well, I just wanted you to see that what you had with Felix…." He paused. "Not that it wasn’t real….but that it wasn’t _enough_..y’know?”

"I know." Orlando said quietly, almost whispering. He sat for a minute, contemplating whether or not to ask the question that was burning in his mind. "Was it.." he started to say, looking to Hugo, who was looking back at him with an encouraging smile. "Was it…good? I mean, the first time…" 

"Honestly? From what I remember, yes, it was." Hugo began. "But don’t dwell on that, you don’t need to know all the details now. It won’t change anything. Some things are best left unsaid, aren’t they?" He could tell that Orlando wasn’t content with that answer as he watched him frown at the floor.

"I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve taken advantage" Hugo said in a more serious tone, placing his hand on Orlando’s shoulder and rubbing it gently. "I never, _ever_ , wanted you to feel that way. It’s just, I care about you a lot y’know? Even though I know you—”

"No, it’s ok. Really. I don’t think that." Orlando interrupted, surprised at Hugo’s honesty. "You were there when I needed someone…and I didn’t exactly object…"

"I’ll always be here, whenever you need." Hugo replied with a wink. "Bit of fun, innit." He planted a playful kiss on Orlando’s forehead before standing up to get his cigarettes from the table where he left them.

Neither of them had noticed that Felix had returned to the bus and was walking down the corridor to the lounge.

"Alright guys!" he said cheerily as he made his way in. "What’s up?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the final chapter! I hope you enjoy it and have enjoyed the rest of the story. Please let me know what you think. The good news is i’ve already started writing a Hugo/Orlando story for you :)

It felt as though time had frozen for Orlando as he ran through the possible decisions in his head. He could lie again and hopefully retain some sense of friendship, or he could tell him the whole truth and risk losing him forever. The latter being something he couldn’t even imagine.

Hugo could sense that it would probably be best if he left and he made his way out.  

"See ya later, Land" he said with a wink, cigarette hanging from his mouth. He leant against the bus outside and stared at the sky. He hoped in his heart that Orlando would do the right thing; he hated seeing him in this situation and knew that he deserved better.

Back on the bus Felix was confused as Orlando remained silent on the sofa.

"What’s going on, Land?" he asked, concerned.

"I don’t know" Orlando whispered, already lying to his friend.

"Come on, mate, not this again? You can tell me anything, I’ve told you that before" Felix said, completely oblivious to the situation that was unfolding.

"Is Hugo alright? I saw you’d both left and came to find you" Felix questioned again.

"Yeah, everything is fine. We were just talking….um.." Orlando was struggling with the impending decision that he had to make.

"About what?" asked Felix. "I mean, you seem upset. Did he upset you? Because if he did—"

"No! It’s nothing like that. It’s just…I’ve got a lot going on, you know? In my head."

"What about Hugo, then? Why is he so involved?" Felix questioned

"He’s not. He’s just _been there_ , you know? To talk to.” Orlando said earnestly. 

"But why couldn’t you talk to me? I thought we were—"

“ _Are we_ , though?” Orlando interrupted. _Here goes nothing_. 

Felix was taken aback and looked at Orlando with confusion. Orlando remained silent, only to raise his eyebrows questioningly. His heart was racing at the anticipation of Felix’s response. He watched Felix’s eyes as he was processing the situation, and his reaction as he finally realised. Slowly he moved to join Orlando on the sofa and nervously cleared his throat.

"You found out about Laura".

"I did." Orlando sighed, barely audible. Felix put his head in his hands and stayed that way for a long time before finally sitting up.

"I’ve wanted to tell you, I really have. I never meant to hurt you, you have to believe me" Felix pleaded.

"But what about…I mean, I thought you wanted this too?" Orlando questioned, his voice cracking. He was trying to keep it together but he could already feel tears forming in his eyes.

"I did. Well, I thought I did. It’s hard to explain…"

"Please try…" said Orlando, quietly.

Felix sighed deeply, looking up at the ceiling to stop the tears from finding their way out, before continuing.

"I haven’t been in a relationship for a long time. Me and you, we’ve always been close but, until that night in the studio, I’d never thought it was anything different to friendship. It felt such a rush being with you in that way I couldn’t help but go along with it. I wanted to know how it felt. I can’t explain to you why I punched you, I guess it was just panic; I couldn’t understand what I was feeling. The whole emotional experience of it all was new to me and seeing the look in your eyes after I’d hit you made me feel something I’d never felt before…." Felix paused.

Orlando was silent but motioned with his eyes to continue, hopeful that maybe this whole mess might be sorted after all.

"It made me feel like there was more to us than just being friends and I guess I wanted to explore these new feelings. But then…"

"Laura." Orlando said, finishing Felix’s sentence for him.

"Yeah. Laura" Felix said, almost ashamed. "I’ve liked her ever since we saw her at that Festival a few months ago. We stayed in touch and I didn’t think anything of it until I saw her that night in the club. I never meant to hurt you but…I really like her. The more we spoke and everything I realised just how much, and that what I felt for you was…different."

"But you seemed so sure…" Orlando said, feeling sad as he realised he really was fighting a losing battle now.

"I thought I was, I really did. It was so different to anything I’d felt before, I can’t explain. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, it was amazing, but I didn’t want to string you along when I wasn’t fully sure of my feelings, y’know what I mean? I thought by distancing myself from you that you might…"

"But if you wanted to distance yourself how come we had sex the following day when Hugo shut us in the lounge?" Orlando interrupted, raising his voice in desperation.

"I don’t know.." Felix said, ashamed. "I wanted to. I thought it would be the only way to dispel the atmosphere between us after…everything"

Orlando rubbed his face with his hands. Hugo was right, he was being used.  

"All that time, I thought it was _me_ that was making mistakes. I tried so hard to keep things right. I wanted it so badly I couldn’t see that you weren’t feeling the same”

"But I did!" Felix insisted. "And when I thought you’d been with Hugo my feelings went into overdrive, I couldn’t understand them. I knew you wouldn’t really sleep with Hugo but I guess I was overcompensating because, deep down, I felt guilty about being with Laura. I was angry with myself"

"When did it happen then, you and Laura?" Orlando asked, casually ignoring the fact that Felix was wrong about him and Hugo. _Some things are best left unsaid_.

"Does it matter?" sighed Felix. He could see that Orlando wasn’t satisfied and he had no choice but to continue. "That night in the club. I walked her back to her hotel and-" Felix stopped, ashamed. There was no need to finish the sentence. 

Orlando dropped his head in his hands as the tears began to flow. Deep deep down, way down, he already knew that Felix had lied but his mind conveniently buried it away in order to satisfy his selfish desire for what he thought was a perfect relationship. It didn’t matter now anyway and he certainly didn’t feel so bad about having sex with Hugo that same night, even if he couldn’t remember it. All he felt bad about at this moment was lying to Felix but at least this way he had some chance to salvage what was left of their friendship. _Some things are best left unsaid._  

He lifted his head after a few minutes to be greeted by Felix’s tearful eyes. Felix lifted his hand to Orlando’s face and gently wiped away the stray tears that were leaving tracks down his face. Orlando was shaking and continued to cry, closing his eyes at the touch. Felix’s hand remained on Orlando’s face as he pulled it closer, feverishly pressing their lips together. Orlando briefly returned the kiss, almost giving in as his body filled with the lust that he thought he had forgotten but that was all so familiar, before hastily breaking away.

"Stop….please. You can’t keep…" he pleaded reluctantly through his sobbing, their foreheads still touching, both of them trying to savour the last touch.

"I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything" Felix whispered, sitting back and wiping tears from his own eyes. "I can’t give you all that you want me to give you. I don’t want to hurt you again." He looked at Orlando, who was bleary-eyed and staring painfully into thin air. "It has to be all or…."

"nothing…" Orlando mumbled, his heart sinking further and further down. This was inevitable, really, he just didn’t want to believe it.

A few silent minutes passed until Felix stood up to plant a soft kiss on Orlando’s forehead, before leaving the bus in tears. Orlando didn’t have a chance to say anything else before he left and didn’t make any attempt to follow him. That was it.

Hugo was leant against the side of the bus and didn’t say anything as he watched Felix leave. It was dark now and it didn’t take long before he lost sight of him in the crowd. A few minutes later Orlando had joined him. Hugo kept quiet as he watched him fumble around his pockets for a cigarette, light it and take a long deep drag before exhaling slowly upwards into the air. His eyes were still glistening with tears.

"Everything ok?" he questioned, finally.

"I…I don’t know. I think it will be" Orlando said with a worried laugh.

"Did you tell him, then?" 

"…..No" Orlando finally replied after another long drag on his cigarette. He looked to Hugo who was looking back at him with raised eyebrows. "Hey, come on, don’t look like that. It’s like you said, some things are best left unsaid"

"hmm" Hugo said as he stubbed his cigarette out on the floor.

"Any anyway, we were both drunk - the first time at least" trying to defend his decision.

"Doesn’t mean it wasn’t real"

"hmm" Orlando hummed after a few minutes silence, almost in agreement. "This is for the best, I think."

"Our little secret then, innit" Hugo said, looking over to Orlando who remained silent but returned a worried smile.

The next few weeks were surprisingly easy, considering. Orlando made the executive decision to remove Precious Time from the setlist in favour of newer material. A decision that, thankfully, was received well by everyone else - especially Felix as he was the only one who really knew why the sudden change was made. 

The weeks continued to pass and eventually things went back to the way they were before all the drama. Before the lies. Before the love and lust. _Mostly_. Hugo and Orlando agreed not to speak about what had happened between them, but every now and then they would share a knowing look that would disappear as quickly as it came. Felix and Laura began dating properly, a situation that Orlando was actually pleased about as he could see that, for the first time in a long time, Felix was truly happy and deep down that made him happy too. 

He realised he’d learnt a lot from the past few months, albeit the hard way. There was still one thing, though, that wasn’t quite right. _Felix_. No matter how hard he tried to believe that things were the same as the used to be, something just wasn’t. No one else appeared to notice, and to strangers they would be seen as best friends. But when they were alone, the atmosphere remained. The truth was that neither of them had forgotten what had happened. How could they? Despite this though they managed to carry on, both of them trying to be the better person. Give it time, Orlando thought. 

Skip to several months later and it was the night of one of their biggest UK shows to date and the tension and nerves were running high. Orlando had made a last minute change to the setlist, this time it would include Precious Time. He figured enough time had passed now. Besides, he really liked singing that song. No one else questioned the decision, in fact Orlando was pretty certain that the others didn’t even notice or care, and if they did they were all too nervous anyway.

They played one of the best shows they’d ever played, all of them feeding on the energy from the crowd. But the time soon came for that song. Their song. Orlando wondered whether he’d made a mistake to include it in the setlist but nevertheless, as the music started, he took a deep breath and sang his little heart out.

_"Time can mean so much….are you.. still… mine..?"_ Orlando finished singing the last few words, tears forming in his eyes, stepping backwards into the darkness as the lights went down. Amid the cheers and shouts from the crowd he felt Felix’s hands on his shoulders as he wiped away the tears with his sleeve hoping that the others wouldn’t notice.

The familiar presence beside him pulled him closer, not as love but as comfort and friendship. What he’d missed. What he’d needed and longed for.

Over the noise of the crowd he was still able to make out the one word that was whispered into his ear. The one word full of reassurance that made him feel, for the first time in months, that things really were going to be ok.

"Always"

-the end-


End file.
